The Dangers of Being Too Nice

Nice is a beautiful city located on the southeastern coast of France on the Mediterranean Sea, and it’s also one of the country’s largest prefectures. It is a center of commerce, culture, fashion, cuisine, and tourism with the nickname “the Riviera.” The crystal-clear air of Nice has been a magnet for notable painters like Marc Chagall, Henri Matisse, and Niki de Saint Phalle, as well as international writers such as Frank Harris and Friedrich Nietzsche, who spent six consecutive winters in the city and completed Thus Spoke Zarathustra there.

Psychologists describe personality in terms of several broad dimensions, and one of those is agreeableness. People who are very agreeable are generally considered to be kind and supportive of others. They are willing to share and cooperate, and they often take responsibility for their mistakes. These traits are part of what psychologists call prosocial behavior, which is concerned with the safety and feelings of others.

While being very nice has its positive aspects, it can also be a problem when used unwisely. For example, some people try to be nice all the time, which can lead them to compromise their own integrity or put their personal needs before those of others. Others may become sycophantic, which means they go out of their way to praise and flatter others in order to get the attention and approval they crave.

Another potential problem with being too nice is that it can make you easy to take advantage of. Some toxic people use their kindness as an excuse to be mean or rude to others, and they can wreak havoc on your life if you allow them to.

If you have a relationship with someone who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself or treats you poorly, it’s probably best to end that friendship or professional connection. You deserve to be happy and to surround yourself with people who are genuinely interested in your wellbeing.

Being a very nice person is a worthwhile goal, but it’s important to do so in a way that aligns with your core values and beliefs. Otherwise, it could become a habit that isn’t authentic and is ultimately self-destructive. In addition, it’s not always possible to be nice all the time, so don’t force yourself to do it if you don’t want to. People can tell when you’re insincere. In fact, you’re more likely to be admired for your honesty than for being a fake nice person. So be nice because you genuinely want to be, and don’t do it just for the compliments that will come your way. You’ll have a happier, more fulfilling life that way. And don’t forget to thank me for this article. It was my pleasure to write it for you. — David J. Wilmot, PhD, is a professor of psychology at Arizona State University. He specializes in personality, social cognition, and judgment and decision-making. His latest book is The Mind and the Brain: How Understanding Your Own Beliefs Can Help You Think Better.